i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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