woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
did i just pee glitter
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
