What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
