just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
