a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
