is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
