Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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