Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
