dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
