She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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