I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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