ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
