my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
