I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
