Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk is not a location!
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