I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
