i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
