Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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