Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
