Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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