We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
