exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
