So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
