Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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