he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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