i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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