Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
