Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
