He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
