Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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