She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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