i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
