so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
