Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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