My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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