i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
