I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
