Nicole vs. Life
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
