So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
