He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
