I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
