i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
