I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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