dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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