return my video game
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
