I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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