bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
