i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
