i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
