He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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