i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We got so high we made milksteak
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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