Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
